7 Things Guys Do When They’re Not Over Their Exes

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Popular theory has it that banging your ex opens up old wounds and prevents you from moving on. Okay, sure, fine. I prefer to drag breakups out for weeks, months, years if I have to—to pick the scab over and over, until it leaves a scar. When I was 27, I ended a two-plus-year relationship that was deeply unbalanced. I spent many sad nights stealthily masturbating next to his snoring body. He went down on me a grand total of 2. Long story short, coffee turned into fucking. But sex as exes was entirely different.

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