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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,895 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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Replies:
Blackjack

How does Ronald McDonald introduce his wife?

"Meet Patty."
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Blackjack

Why don't Jehovah Witness' get killed during an earthquake?
Because they are always in your doorway.
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warrior-child
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:lol
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cricket55
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Blackjack
May 19, 2017, 7:26 am
Why don't Jehovah Witness' get killed during an earthquake?
Because they are always in your doorway.
:lol
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Blackjack

One for the kids.


Why is your nose in the middle of your face?

Because it's the scenter.
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Blackjack

Why don't you iron a four leaf clover?

So you don't press your luck.
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Blackjack

R.I.P. Boiling Water. You will be mist.
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Blackjack

Why did the restaurant on the moon fail?

The food was decent but it had no atmosphere.
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Blackjack

Employee: Excuse me sir, may I talk to you? Boss: Sure, come on in. What can I do for you?

Employee: Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over ten years. Boss: Yes.

Employee: I won’t beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have four companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.

Boss: A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.

Employee: I understand your position, and I know that the current economic down turn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro- activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.

Boss: Taking into account these factors, and considering I don’t want to start a brain drain, I’m willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?

Employee: Great! It’s a deal! Thank you, sir! Boss: Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?

Employee: Oh, the Electric Company, Gas Company, Water Company and the Mortgage Company!
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Blackjack

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, "That's a nice shirt."

The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?"

The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"
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Blackjack

"So, there was this Nazi who walked into a BAR. It was mine, and he died on the spot."

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BAR = Browning Automatic Rifle.
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Blackjack

Your groaner of the week.

Why is North Korea so heartless?

Because they have no Seoul.
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Blackjack

A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia.

Librarian: "They're right behind you!!"
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Blackjack

Two years ago, I applied for a job at a major conpqny. They called me in for an interview with the board of directors, and it went pretty well. The next day I got a call... it was the vice president on the line!

"Listen, sir", he told me, "you left me very impressed yesterday. But we're still left with another candidate with very similar education and work background, impressive interview... it's practically a tie between you two. So, the Board of Directors has decided to have you both come in to answer a ten question test about our company. Whoever gets the higher score will get the job".

So the next morning I went to the his office. The other candidate was there - he looked really too smart. So we were told to sit down at two desks, side by side, and were given the test.

After we finished the test, the vice president calls me back into his office. "Listen... we've scored the tests. You both got nine out of ten, and both missed question #5. But unfortunately we're going to have to pick the other guy."

"What? Why?" I asked, shocked. "But we got the same question wrong!"

"Yes," he answered, "but it had more to do with your answers to #5. The other candidate answered, 'I don't know', and you answered 'Neither do I'."
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M. Hawbaker
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:spit
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