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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,897 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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Replies:
Blackjack

What did the horse say when it fell over?

Help I've fallen and I can't giddyup.
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Blackjack

What do you call the pack of boars who killed members of Isis?

Squeal Team 6
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Blackjack

My new girlfriend works at the zoo. I think she's a keeper.
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Blackjack

A vegan friend's status said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn't eat meat.

I think if he had to build his own computer he wouldn't whine on Facebook.
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cricket55
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Blackjack
April 27, 2017, 6:29 am
My new girlfriend works at the zoo. I think she's a keeper.
:groan
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Blackjack

Two older couple were having breakfast...

old man 1: We went to the best restaurant last night

old man 2: What's it's name?

old man 1: Oh, I have such a terrible memory. What's that red flower?

old man 2: Carnation?

old man 1: No, the one with the thorns.

old man 2: Rose?

old man 1: That's it. (turns to his wife) Hey Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?
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Blackjack

You're riding a horse full speed..there's a giraffe beside you..and you're being chase by a lion..what do you do?

Get your drunken behind off the carousel.
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Blackjack

Man goes out drinking. He gets so drunk that his wife has to go pick him up. They get home, he vomits up the stairs, and all the way to bed. Wife finally gets him stripped, showered and in bed. Man wakes up in the morning, and has only vague memories of going out the night before. On the nightstand is a red rose. He carefully ventures downstairs and finds a pristine house, and a hot breakfast on the counter with his name beside it. His wife is no where to be found. His son comes into the room, and the man says "I suppose Mum is royally angry, but what's all this?"

Son says "Mum's thrilled. You puked like a rookie, fell down the stairs twice, broke her antique end table, shoved her, and threw up on the floor on the way out of the shower."

Man says "So WHY is Mum thrilled??"

Son says "Well, when Mum tried to get you into bed, you shoved her onto the floor screaming 'Get off, you! I'm married!!"
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Blackjack

Him: You really are the most jealous woman I know.
Her: Oh, so you know lots of other women, do you?!
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Blackjack

One for the kids.

What is good for golf and bad for socks?

A hole in one.
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Blackjack

My roommates get mad when I steal their kitchen utensils but it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
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Blackjack

How do we know the earth isn't flat?

If it were flat, cats would have already pushed everything off of it.
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M. Hawbaker
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:spit

:rofl
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Blackjack

My grandma is kind of like the Chinese government.

Visitors only see the nice china.
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Blackjack

Two days into my diet I removed all the junk food from my house and it was delicious
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