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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,903 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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Blackjack

One for the kids.


Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot.
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Blackjack

Too risque for here? If so, advance apologies. Sure is funny, though.


It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in. He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date. Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."

Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?"

"Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her."

Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"
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cricket55
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Blackjack
January 22, 2017, 8:18 am
One for the kids.


Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot.
:lol
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warrior-child
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Blackjack
January 22, 2017, 8:18 am
One for the kids.


Why can't a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it'd be a foot.
:lol
Shared this with kiddos & friends
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Blackjack

Hillary Clinton is speaking at a fourth grade class. She opens the floor up for a question and answer period. A boy raises his hand.

"Yes, what's your name?"

"Hi, I'm Timmy and I have three questions.
1. How did you manage to lose 6 billion dollars as Secretary of State?
2. What actually happened at Benghazi?
3. Why did you delete 33,000 emails?"

Hillary opened her mouth to speak and the recess bell rang. The teacher sent everyone outside and said they'd resume when everyone was back.

The kids come back in and another boy raises his hand.

"Yes, what's your name?"

"Hi, I'm Mike and I have five questions.
1. How did you manage to lose 6 billion dollars as Secretary of State?
2. What actually happened at Benghazi?
3. Why did you delete 33,000 emails?
4. Why did we go to recess 20 minutes early?
5. Where is Timmy?"
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Blackjack

I angered two men today when I referred to them as hipsters.

Apparently the correct term is 'conjoined twins'
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Blackjack

One for your 4th graders.


There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

Only a fraction of people will get this.
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Blackjack

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar.
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Blackjack

Another good one for the kids.


What's a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.



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warrior-child
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Blackjack
January 27, 2017, 11:42 am
When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar.
:lol shared this one, also
Edited by warrior-child, January 28, 2017, 11:41 am.
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warrior-child
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Blackjack
January 28, 2017, 9:24 am
Another good one for the kids.


What's a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.



:lol
Edited by warrior-child, January 28, 2017, 11:46 am.
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M. Hawbaker
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:lol
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Blackjack

2 Christians are lost in the Arabian desert. The first day is hot, and they're miserable after running out of food and water. The night is surprisingly cold and even worse than the day. The second day and night are even worse.

On the third morning, hotter than the past 2 days, they see a mosque. "We're saved!" exclaims one. The other is wary and says he doesn't think they'll help Christians. The first says he doesn't care, he's so hungry he'd rather be killed than starve. The second one decides to tell them he's Muslim.

They arrive and the first man says he's Christian and asks for help. The Muslims are very friendly and tell him they have plenty of food and water for him. The second one tells them he's Muslim. The reply: "Salaam, brother! Happy Ramadan!"
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Blackjack

This one hits close to home. My 5th grade teacher, Miss Florence Powers, AKA, High Voltage, had the habit of criticizing me or running me down before she had all of the facts. Boo! Hiss! On to the joke.

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.


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Blackjack

What's the difference between a comma and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of a clause and the other has claws at the end of its paws.
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