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| Super-duper Joke Thread | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,909 Views) | |
| Blackjack | February 21, 2014, 10:11 am Post #1 |
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After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go! Emergency call. There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves. Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal! Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling? Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help! |
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| Blackjack | November 11, 2016, 7:56 am Post #1216 |
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Your groaner of the week. There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny. |
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| Blackjack | November 11, 2016, 7:58 am Post #1217 |
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Bonus joke for today. A Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?" Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!" |
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| Blackjack | November 12, 2016, 11:54 am Post #1218 |
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A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?" The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed." |
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| Blackjack | November 13, 2016, 9:54 am Post #1219 |
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Son tells overprotective parent he is joining the army "The ARMY? Are you insane? Do you want to live in constant fear? Do you want to have some psycho drill sergeant hovering over you and controlling your every move?!" "No. That's why I'm leaving home and joining the army." Comment: The joke is that is exactly the reason my late mother joined the navy in 1950! Edited by Blackjack, November 13, 2016, 9:56 am.
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| Blackjack | November 14, 2016, 9:09 am Post #1220 |
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One day a devout preacher lost his favorite Bible while he was at a spiritual retreat in the mountains. He was devastated, and began to lose his faith. Three weeks later, a dog walked up to him after church service, carrying the Bible in its mouth. The preacher couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the dog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!" "Not really," said the dog. "Your name is written inside the cover." |
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| Blackjack | November 15, 2016, 7:51 am Post #1221 |
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Communism jokes aren't funny...Unless everyone gets them. |
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| Blackjack | November 16, 2016, 6:50 am Post #1222 |
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I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet so I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either. |
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| warrior-child | November 16, 2016, 6:33 pm Post #1223 |
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:hysterical |
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| Blackjack | November 17, 2016, 10:39 am Post #1224 |
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A priest, a rabbi, and an engineer are about to be guillotined... When it's the priest's turn, the executioner pulls the rope on the guillotine and the blade gets 1/4 inch away from the priest's neck before snapping back up. The priest is unscathed. The crowd roars, "It's a miracle! Let him go!" And the priest goes free. Then it's the rabbi's turn. The executioner pulls the rope on the guillotine and the blade gets 1/4 inch away from the rabbi's neck before snapping back up. The rabbi is unscathed. The crowd roars, "It's a miracle! Let him go!" The rabbi goes free. Just before they lead the engineer to the guillotine, he looks at it and says, "I can fix that!" |
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| Blackjack | November 18, 2016, 7:21 am Post #1225 |
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I can't wait until humans move to a new planet and someone says, 'Remember having 24-hour days?' And some jerk responds, 'First world problems.' |
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| Blackjack | November 19, 2016, 8:36 am Post #1226 |
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It's the wild west and this cowboy rides his horse into a small town. His throat is parched, so he ties his horse to a pole next to a bar and goes in for a drink. He comes out a few minutes later, and someone already stole his horse. The people of the town are looking to see his reaction, they aren't even discreet about it. He looks around at everyone and says loud and clear: "I will walk back into the bar to get myself another drink, and if I don't see my horse right in front of the bar, I will have to do what I did in Texas a year ago after someone stole my horse. And trust me, I didn't like what I had to do in Texas a year ago." After his confident speech, the man walked back into the bar. The townsfolk looked at each other in fear and got the horse back. The cowboy finished his second drink and walked out of the bar, saddled the horse, but just before he left the bartender walked up to him and asked. "Hey, cowboy, we know that we got you your horse back, but do you mind telling us what you had to do a year ago in Texas?" The cowboy looked at him with an iron gaze and responded: "I had to walk home." |
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| Blackjack | November 19, 2016, 2:04 pm Post #1227 |
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How do you get 50 little old ladies to scream the "F" word all at the same time? Have one of them scream "Bingo" first. |
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| Blackjack | November 20, 2016, 8:10 am Post #1228 |
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Admitted, this one is arcane unless you know the history of both people. Did you hear about the stolen Tesla? I guess now it's an Edison |
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| Blackjack | November 21, 2016, 8:18 am Post #1229 |
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Why do you never play hide & seek with mountains? Mountains peak |
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| Blackjack | November 23, 2016, 6:03 pm Post #1230 |
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Two for the price of one. My coughing is much better now. I only set off 2 dogs barking in the night instead of 4. I told my date I drive a Prius. She said we both should see other men. |
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