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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,912 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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Blackjack

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
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Blackjack

Some say the glass is half empty, some say the glass is half full. The engineer says the glass is twice the size it needs to be.
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Blackjack

Jehovah's Witness don't celebrate Halloween
I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their door
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Blackjack

:wave
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Blackjack

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative." A voice from the back of the room retorted, "Yeah, right."
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Blackjack

I left three Cleveland Browns tickets on my windshield before yesterday's game.

I came back and there were nine.
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Blackjack

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre
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Blackjack

A Russian grandpa arrives at German airport

He goes to the young girl who is in charge of border control and she asks after checking the passport

"Good morning, First time in Germany?"

"First time I'm visiting my son who lives here, but I've been here before"

"Weird, your passport doesn't have a stamp on it, How did you arrive last time?"

"T-34, I was the gunner"
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Blackjack

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..."

Poof ... He disappears without a tres.
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Blackjack

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
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cricket55
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Blackjack
October 15, 2016, 8:57 am
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
:lol
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Blackjack

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, "Can you all see me now?" "Yes." "Oui." "Sí." "Ja."
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cricket55
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My neighbor has a dog named Gus. He brought home another dog and named it---get this--Gus. I asked him why he wanted two dogs with the same name. He said, "So I can have
asparagus."
Edited by cricket55, October 16, 2016, 5:20 pm.
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Blackjack

Bob said, "I bought a second hand time machine next Tuesday. They don't make them like they're going to anymore."

Jim answered, "Are you going to take it back?"

Bob said, "Yeah, I called him tomorrow, he'll be over to pick it up last week."
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M. Hawbaker
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Posted Image
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