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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,916 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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Blackjack

It's tough being Irish

"What's your name?", asked the teacher.

"Mohammad," he replied.

"You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher, "So from now on you will be known as Mike." Mohammad returned home after school.

"How was your day, Mohammad?", his mother asked.

"My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Mike”.

"Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!" And his mother beat the daylights out of him. Then she called his father, who beat the daylights out of him again.

The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his fresh bruises. "What happened to you, Mike?", she asked.

"Well shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two Arabs."
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Blackjack

HELP REQUESTED:

A friend of mine, retired Military, has two tickets for the 2017 Super bowl. They are box seats plus airfares and hotel accommodations. He didn't realize when he bought them that this is the same day as his wedding - so he can't go.

If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it's at St Peter's Church in New York City at 5 PM. Her name is Donna. She will be the one in the white dress
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Blackjack

Two turtles had a collision at an intersection...

The only witness was a snail. When interviewed by police the snail explained he didnt see anything as it all happened so fast.
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Blackjack

A man throws an old silver dollar into a well and a genie pops out. The genie tells him "You have thrown the largest money value into this well since it has been built. You may have one wish."

"I want a dragon."

"Are you sure? That's... pretty big, and would probably give me away. Anything else?"

"I want to learn how to fold a fitted sheet."

"...what color dragon do you want?"
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cricket55
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:lol They are hard to fold.
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Blackjack

What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray?

HDMI (say it aloud)
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M. Hawbaker
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:groan
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M. Hawbaker
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Apologies in advance for this one:

A woman gave birth to two sons who were born on the same day of the same year but were not twins. How is this possible?




























They were two of three triplets.
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Blackjack

I was viewing a house being sold by a Native American. I asked, "Does it come with running water?" He answered, "No, Get your own wife."
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cricket55
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Blackjack
August 25, 2016, 9:18 am
What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray?

HDMI (say it aloud)
HDMI :confused
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Blackjack

cricket55
August 26, 2016, 10:40 am
Blackjack
August 25, 2016, 9:18 am
What did Yoda say when he watched Star Wars on Blu-Ray?

HDMI (say it aloud)
HDMI :confused
HDMI = High-Definition Multimedia Interface. Spell the letters out in your best Yoda voice. H D AM I.

Never said it wasn't lame!!
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Blackjack

I totally understand how batteries feel because I’m rarely ever included in things either.
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Blackjack

1300s: I'm dying of the Black Plague.

1800s: I'm 9 and work in a factory.

1900s: I'm off to fight in a war.

2000s: I'm offended.
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Blackjack

An angel appears and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."

Immediately, the man chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, he is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.

One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"

The man says, "I should have taken the money."
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Blackjack

One for the kids.



Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

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