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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,917 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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barb43
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Wish Martha Stewart was My Sister!
I like that ^^^ one!!

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
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M. Hawbaker
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Hillary Clinton was addressing a group of American Indians telling them all that she plans to do for them as President.

At the end of the meeting, the Indian's Chief gave her a plaque with her honorary Indian name, Walking Eagle.

After she left, a reporter asked the chief why that name was chosen for her.

He said, "A walking Eagle is a bird that is so full of crap, it can not fly."

Edited by M. Hawbaker, August 14, 2016, 7:50 pm.
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Blackjack

:pound
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Blackjack

There's a new machine at the gym. I used it, but after an hour I started feeling sick...

It's got Snickers, cheetos, Peanuts... Everything!
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M. Hawbaker
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:lol
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Blackjack

Think about a future where humanity has no choice but to leave earth.

It's unsettling.
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M. Hawbaker
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One my little niece came up with:

What's blue and smells like paint?







































Blue Paint.
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cricket55
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That is cute Mel. :lol
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barb43
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Wish Martha Stewart was My Sister!
She's one sharp little girl, Mel! :D:
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Blackjack

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight you're drunk.
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cricket55
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Blackjack
August 17, 2016, 6:29 am
Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight you're drunk.
:holycow That must be how I lost my shoe.







Did not really happen.
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Blackjack

I love the way the earth rotates. It really makes my day.
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Blackjack

I told this one to Maria yesterday knowing full well that she wouldn't get it. she looked at me as if I had two heads! :pound


What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is heavy while the other is a little lighter.
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M. Hawbaker
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:heh
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Blackjack

Once upon a time a little boy named John lived a village with his mother. His father already died in an accident and his mother has to work very hard to run the family.

John was hated by his classmates at school for stupidity in class. Even the class teacher said to him, "You are driving me crazy John!" One day her mother went to his school to check on his progress and was speaking to the teacher. The teacher was being very honest and told her the truth about her son and how disasterous his performance is at school. The mother could not bear the truth, and decided to change school for her son; she even moved to a new city.

Years later the teacher has a heart attack and the local doctors referred her to the only doctor who could perform the surgery. Leaving with no choice, the teacher's family take her to the doctor. The doctor performed a long operation and it was successful. When the teacher woke up, she saw the face of the doctor and smiled. She wanted to say thanks, but could not since she was still under the affect of anaesthasia. Instead tears rolled down her eyes and her faced started to turn blue! She tried to raise her hand to point at something, but in vain she failed to do so and died.

Unprepared for this situation, the doctor was looking around trying to find the cause of death. He was looking around until he saw our friend John, who works as a janitor at the hospital. John had unplugged the ventilator machine to plug in his vacuum cleaner.

You really did not think John became the doctor, did you?
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