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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,984 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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M. Hawbaker
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:lol
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barb43
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Wish Martha Stewart was My Sister!
Blackjack
March 13, 2014, 9:05 am
Another Roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”
:pound This would make a good comic panel in the Sunday funny pages. :nod
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cricket55
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:lol
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Blackjack

My English teacher didn't like the format of my essay.

It wasn't justified. She gave me a marginal grade.

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Blackjack

Platoon leader, angrily, “I didn’t see you at camouflage training this morning.”

Private, "Thank you, sir.”
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Blackjack

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared th e daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
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M. Hawbaker
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:spit
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M. Hawbaker
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A man was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains.

The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. "It's to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes," she explains.

When the plane landed the man rushed up to her. "Miss," he said, "How do I get the gum out of my ears?"
Edited by M. Hawbaker, March 17, 2014, 12:28 pm.
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Blackjack

:lol
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cricket55
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What do you call a fake rock in Ireland???


A SHAM ROCK. :B:
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M. Hawbaker
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:lol
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cricket55
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Blackjack
March 17, 2014, 11:32 am
A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared th e daylights out of me."
The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.
The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
:groan
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cricket55
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What is Irish and stays out all night???

Paddy O'furniture.
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Blackjack

An elderly couple was attending Mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just broke wind, silently; what do you think I should do?
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
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M. Hawbaker
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:heh
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