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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,922 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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Blackjack

Something to keep in mind. The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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Blackjack

A family took a trip to Disney World. After three exhausting days, they headed home. As they drove away, the son waved and said, “Goodbye, Mickey.”

The daughter waved and said, “Goodbye, Minnie.”

The husband waved, rather weakly, and said, “Goodbye, Money.”
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Blackjack

“My teenage daughter came home in a rage.

‘I’ve just done sex education in school today, Dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!’

I put down my paper: ‘Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.’ ”
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Blackjack

BoyFriend: Why didn’t you give me anything for my birthday?
GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.
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Blackjack

A doctor, and engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world's first professional.

The Doctor said "It must have been a doctor. Who else could have helped with the world's first surgery of taking a rib from Adam to create Eve, the first woman.

"No," said the rabbi. "It must have been a rabbi, since the Lord needed someone to help preach his message to Adam and the world.

"Wait," Said the engineer "The world was created in 6 days from nothing. Do you know what a master engineering feat that must have been to create the whole world into an organized civilized place from utter chaos?"

"And WHO created the chaos?" said the lawyer.
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Blackjack

While visiting a country school, the chairman of the Board Of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.

Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking. He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.

A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, “Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?”
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Blackjack

Little Johnny’s father said, “let me see your report card.”
Johnny replied, “I don’t have it.”
“Why not?” His father asked.
“My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.”
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Blackjack

What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, while the other is a little lighter.
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Blackjack

Posted Image
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M. Hawbaker
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:spit
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Blackjack

Son: Dad, it's so cold in here!

Father: Go stand in the corner.

Son: Why?

Father: The corner is 90 degrees
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M. Hawbaker
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:groan




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Blackjack

You think that one was bad? Try this! :lol


I used to think maths was useless, but then one day I realized that decimals had a point.
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M. Hawbaker
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:lol
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Blackjack

This is the story of fellow flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. The pilot has a heart attack and dies. He frantically calls a May Day: "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!" All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is ATC. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position." She says, "I'm 6'4" and I'm in the front seat." "OK," says the voice from the tower. "Repeat after me: Our Father. . . Who art in Heaven. . . ..."
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