| Welcome to Prophecy Fellowship! This message board is dedicated to the glorification of Christ Jesus and the edification of Christians through study and discussion of prophecy and life from a scriptural perspective. |
| Super-duper Joke Thread | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,923 Views) | |
| Blackjack | February 21, 2014, 10:11 am Post #1 |
|
After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go! Emergency call. There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves. Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal! Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling? Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help! |
![]() |
|
| Replies: | |
|---|---|
| Blackjack | May 25, 2016, 12:26 pm Post #1006 |
|
An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son: "Don’t be nervous, boy, just do your best, but remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your family." |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | May 26, 2016, 7:39 am Post #1007 |
|
Teenager: Um, dad, I have good news and bad news about the car. Dad: Give me the good news first. Teenager: Well, the airbags work. |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | May 26, 2016, 8:10 am Post #1008 |
|
A little astronomy humor: Posted Image Edited by M. Hawbaker, May 26, 2016, 8:11 am.
|
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | May 27, 2016, 1:37 pm Post #1009 |
|
An illegal Mexican immigrant, a radical Muslim, and Donald Trump were walking together on a beach in Florida when the Mexican stumbled over a bottle in the sand. He picked up the bottle, rubbed the sand off, and a genie appeared. “I can only grant three wishes,” the genie said. “Since there are three of you, you may each have one wish.” Pointing at the Mexican, he said, “Since you found the bottle, you may have the first wish.” The Mexican said, “This country is racist against my people! I wish to take everyone of Mexican descent back to our homeland where we can finally be happy and live in peace!” The genie clapped his hand and the illegal Mexican immigrant was transported to Mexico will millions of “his” people. Turning to the radical Muslim, the genie asked, “And what is your wish?” The radical Muslim said, “This country is bigoted against those who practice Islam! I wish to take all of my people away from this horrible place loaded with infidels so we can live in peace in Muslim countries and serve Allah.” This genie clapped his hands, and the radical Muslim, along with every other Muslim in the country, was instantly transported to the Middle East. Turning to Donald Trump, the genie asked, “And what is your wish?” Trump looked around at the empty beach, smiled, and said, “Just give me a Pepsi. It doesn’t get any better than this!” |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | May 29, 2016, 3:34 pm Post #1010 |
|
How do you get a sweet 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | May 30, 2016, 6:27 am Post #1011 |
|
Marry someone who knows how to cook. Looks go away but hunger doesn't. |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | May 30, 2016, 10:31 am Post #1012 |
|
:spit |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | May 31, 2016, 7:58 am Post #1013 |
|
I can actually see this happening. :pound Long but worth it. After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant user called the system maker's technical support line for assistance... Technician: Hello. How can I help you today? Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on my computer... Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply... Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files... Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it... Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just had to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command... For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician's efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded... Technician: I'm sorry. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there's an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem... Customer: I knew it! Technician: Just add the line 'LOAD NOSMOKE.EXE' at the end of the CONFIG.SYS file and everything should work fine. Let me know how it goes... About ten minutes later, the technician received a call back from the customer... Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking... Technician: Well, what version of DOS are you using? Customer: MS-DOS 6.22... Technician: Well, that's your problem. That version of DOS doesn't include NOSMOKE. You'll need to contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch. Let me know how it all works out... When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again... Customer: I need a new power supply... Technician: How did you come to that conclusion? Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician what you said, and he started asking me questions about the make of the power supply... Technician: What did he tell you? Customer: He said my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE... Edited by Blackjack, May 31, 2016, 7:59 am.
|
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | May 31, 2016, 9:03 am Post #1014 |
|
Yeah, after more than 30 years working in customer service positions, I can definitely see something like that happening for real. :lol Some of my friends who have never had a job that required them to interact with the public directly don't believe me when I tell them some of the outlandish (to put it nicely) things that I have had customers say and do over the years. More than once, I've had someone ask/say something so obviously idiotic that I first thought that they were joking with me only to realize after further conversation that they were being totally serious. |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | May 31, 2016, 10:18 am Post #1015 |
|
Tell me about it! :lol The last job I had before going to the transit system was telephone tech support for electronic test equipment. Without a doubt, the worst job I ever had. It did give me great respect for those who do it today. Pro tip: Tell the phone support person how much you appreciate their efforts on your behalf. They tend to bend over backwards to solve your problem after that. |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | June 1, 2016, 5:45 am Post #1016 |
|
Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts. |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | June 2, 2016, 6:46 am Post #1017 |
|
One to tell your kids/grand kids. Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek? A: Because he was always spotted. |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | June 3, 2016, 5:14 am Post #1018 |
|
A golf pro dragged himself into the clubhouse looking as though he'd just escaped a tornado. "What's wrong?" a woman asked. "I just lost a game to Houlihan," the pro said. "What? But Houlihan's the worst player I've ever seen. How could he have beaten you?" "He tricked me," the pro said. "On the first tee, he asked for a handicap. I told him he could have 30, 40, 50 strokes- any handicap he wanted. He said, 'Just give me two gotchas." "What's a gotcha?" asked the woman. "That's what I wanted to know," the pro said. "Houlihan said, 'You'll see.' Then, as I was teeing off, just as I had my club poised, he screamed out 'Gotcha!'" "I can guess what happened," the woman said. "Sure," the pro said. "The scream threw me off, and I missed the ball completely." "Understandable," the woman said. "But still, that's only one swing. How did he win the game?" The pro answered, "You try swinging at a golf ball all day while waiting for that second 'gotcha! |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | June 3, 2016, 6:38 am Post #1019 |
|
BONUS. Two jokes today. Evidently a true story. Too funny to pass up. MILWAUKEE, WI – Needing to make a decision about primary custody of a child during divorce proceedings today, a judge asked couple Carson and Sharri Guinn to give him a good reason why either of them should be the main caregiver. “I carried this child around inside me for nine months,” said Ms. Guinn, adding that she had to endure the painful birth, and that the entire process had made the child a part of her. The judge was very impressed by her response, and then turned towards her husband to get his perspective. “Okay, so I put a coin into a vending machine, and a drink comes out,” replied Mr. Guinn. “Who does the drink belong to, me or the machine?” |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | June 4, 2016, 8:23 am Post #1020 |
|
According to Bill Murray "It's hard to win an argument with a smart person, but it's damn near impossible to win an argument with a stupid person." |
![]() |
|
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Anything Goes! · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
6:36 PM Jul 10
|






6:36 PM Jul 10