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| Super-duper Joke Thread | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,985 Views) | |
| Blackjack | February 21, 2014, 10:11 am Post #1 |
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After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go! Emergency call. There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves. Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal! Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling? Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help! |
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| barb43 | March 10, 2014, 8:13 pm Post #76 |
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Wish Martha Stewart was My Sister!
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:hysterical |
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| M. Hawbaker | March 11, 2014, 8:27 am Post #77 |
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A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time for the Christmas Advent service. The church lights were lowered and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you…” |
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| Blackjack | March 11, 2014, 11:30 am Post #78 |
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:lol |
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| Blackjack | March 11, 2014, 11:38 am Post #79 |
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An atheist buys an Ancient Roman Catholic lamp at an auction, takes it home, and begins to polish it. Suddenly, a genie appears, and says, "I’ll grant you three wishes, Master." The atheist says, "I wish I could believe in you." The genie snaps his fingers, and suddenly the atheist believes in him. The atheist says, "Wow. I wish all atheists would believe this." The genie snaps his fingers again, and suddenly atheists all over the world begin to believe in genies. "What about your third wish?" asks the genie. "Well," says the atheist, "I wish for a billion dollars." The genie snaps his fingers for a third time, but nothing happens. "What’s wrong?" asks the atheist. The genie shrugs and says, "Just because you believe in me, doesn’t necessarily mean that I really exist." |
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| M. Hawbaker | March 11, 2014, 11:51 am Post #80 |
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:heh |
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| Blackjack | March 11, 2014, 3:19 pm Post #81 |
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How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them both to pronounce "unionized." |
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| cricket55 | March 11, 2014, 7:15 pm Post #82 |
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How much does a pirate pay for an ear of corn??? A buccanear. |
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| barb43 | March 11, 2014, 7:21 pm Post #83 |
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Wish Martha Stewart was My Sister!
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:pound Those are both great! Edited by barb43, March 11, 2014, 7:23 pm.
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| M. Hawbaker | March 11, 2014, 7:29 pm Post #84 |
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:rofl |
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| M. Hawbaker | March 12, 2014, 7:02 am Post #85 |
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At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain that to your mother." |
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| Blackjack | March 12, 2014, 11:43 am Post #86 |
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Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to watch their team play the Red Sox. They start making fun of a couple of Red Sox supporters who only have one train ticket between the two of them. Just before the conductor appears both Red Sox fans go into the bathroom and lock the door behind them. When the conductor knocks on the door they slip the ticket under the door, the conductor punches it, slides it back under the door and off he goes. On the return journey the Yankees fans decide to pull the same trick and purchase only one ticket for the two of them. They notice that yet again the two Red Sox supporters only have one ticket between them. The Yankees fans realize there is only one bathroom per car and quickly take the lead, locking themselves in first, leaving the Red Sox fans with nowhere to go. A minute later the Red Sox fan without a ticket strolls over to the bathroom and knocks on the door. |
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| barb43 | March 12, 2014, 5:40 pm Post #87 |
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Wish Martha Stewart was My Sister!
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:wink Smart Red Sox fan! :nod |
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| cricket55 | March 12, 2014, 7:07 pm Post #88 |
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:hysterical |
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| cricket55 | March 12, 2014, 7:12 pm Post #89 |
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Grandma and Grandpa were taking care of their 4 year old granddaughter, since their daughter was in the hospital giving birth. The Grandma describes to her granddaughter what happens when the baby is born. After the baby is delivered the DR slaps the infant's bottom twice so it will cry. The granddaughter says he should be slapped three times, since he crawled up to where he was not suppose to go. :rofl Edited by cricket55, March 12, 2014, 7:13 pm.
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| Blackjack | March 13, 2014, 9:05 am Post #90 |
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Ooh! So many cracks I could make about that but I don't want to get banned! :rofl More from the vaults of Readers Digest. A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!” Another Roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.” Edited by Blackjack, March 13, 2014, 9:06 am.
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