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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,937 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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M. Hawbaker
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Teacher: "If your friend gives you 2 cats and another friend gives you 2 more cats, how many cats do you have?"

2nd Grader: "5"

Teacher: "No, listen to the question again carefully: "If your friend gives you 2 cats and another friend gives you 2 more cats, how many cats do you have?"

2nd Grader: "5"

Teacher: "lets try this another way: What is 2 +2?"

2nd Grader: "4"

Teacher: "Very good. Now lets try the first question again: If your friend gives you 2 cats and another friend gives you 2 more cats, how many cats do you have?"

2nd Grader: "5"

Teacher: "How do you keep getting 5 cats from 2 cats + 2 cats?"

2nd Grader: "Because, I already have one cat."
Edited by M. Hawbaker, October 20, 2015, 10:40 am.
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Blackjack

Kid logic! Can't beat it. :pound
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Blackjack

There are 3 kinds of people in this world.. ..those who can count and those who can't.
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Blackjack

A guy gets stopped by the bouncer at a nightclub. "You have to wear a tie," says the bouncer. The guy goes back to his car and finds a set of jumper cables, ties them around his neck, and goes back to the club. The bouncer lets him in but warns, "I'll be watching, so you better not start anything!"
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Blackjack

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"
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M. Hawbaker
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:rofl
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warrior-child
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:hysterical
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cricket55
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:lol
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Blackjack

A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. "This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well."
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M. Hawbaker
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Posted Image
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Blackjack

:thumb
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Blackjack

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: "Now, students, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'It's because yer feet ain't empty."
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Blackjack

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.
But I'm not allowed up on the couch!
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cricket55
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M. Hawbaker
October 28, 2015, 2:54 am
:nod
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Blackjack

A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three very large, leathered bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spat into the old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter. Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either, he just backed his big-rig over three motorcycles."
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