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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,938 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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Blackjack

People say that money talks... All mine says is goodbye.
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Blackjack

An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.

"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home."
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Blackjack

Further proof that you must be careful with what you say to kids!



Little Emily was complaining to her mother that her stomach hurt. Her mother replied, “That’s because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it." The next day, the pastor was over at Emily's family's house for lunch. He mentioned having his head hurt, to which Emily immediately replied, "That's because it's empty. Maybe you should try putting something in it."
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cricket55
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:rofl
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cricket55
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:rofl
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M. Hawbaker
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:spit
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Blackjack

Teacher: Now, you must not say, “I ain’t goin’.” You should say, “I am not going, he is not going; we are not going; they are not going.”
Student: Wow! Ain’t nobody goin’ then?
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Blackjack

A man in West Virginia had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a withered bouquet of flowers in front of the car and another one behind it. Then he got back in the car and waited. A passerby rubbernecked the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I got me a flat tar." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you breaks down they says to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I doesn't understand it neither. But, you stopped, so, I guess it works! You got a extry spar?"
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cricket55
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:lol
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Blackjack

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog. As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?" "I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."
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Blackjack

A wife saw her husband weight himself on the scale trying to pull in the stomach. The wife thought he was trying to reduce his weight on the scale. So she said, "You know, I don't think that will help you." The husband replies, "Of course it helps. It is the only way I can see the number on the scale."
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cricket55
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That is a good one Scott.
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Blackjack

cricket55
October 15, 2015, 6:43 pm
That is a good one Scott.
Yeah, it hits real close to home! :lol
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Blackjack

Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife: 'Yes or no.'
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cricket55
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WHAT DID MARS SAY TO URANUS???

GIVE ME A RING SOMETIME.
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