Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to Prophecy Fellowship! This message board is dedicated to the glorification of Christ Jesus and the edification of Christians through study and discussion of prophecy and life from a scriptural perspective.

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,941 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Replies:
Blackjack

We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start a baby boomer from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me." By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?" "No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car."
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Blackjack

One morning a man comes into the church on crutches. He stops in front of the holy water and splashes some of it on both of his legs, then throws away his crutches. An altar boy witnessed the scene and runs into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen. Without batting an eye, the priest says, "Son, you've just witnessed a miracle. Tell me, where is this man?" "Over by the holy water, Father. Flat on his back."
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Blackjack


There were three restaurants on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurants in the City." The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World." On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said "The Best Restaurant on this Block."
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Blackjack

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband one morning. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful...CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOSH! You're cooking too many at once. Too MANY! Turn them over. Turn them over NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOSH! Where are we going to get more BUTTER!? Great! Now they're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You never listen to me when you're cooking! NEVER! Turn them over! Hurry UP! Are you crazy? Have you lost your MIND? Don't forget to salt them. You KNOW you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. The SALT! Use the SALT!" His wife just stared at him. "What in the hell is the matter with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like to have you sitting next to me when I'm driving."
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Blackjack


Why is there so much pressure to spend Independence Day with other people?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Blackjack

Poor old Bob sent his photograph off to a Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
cricket55
Member Avatar

:rofl
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Blackjack

The old man approached a young stranger in the post office and asked, "Sir, would you address this postcard for me?" The man gladly did so, and then offered to write a short note for the old fellow. Finally the stranger asked, "Now, is there anything else I can do for you?" The old man thought a moment and said, "Yes, at the end could you add, Please excuse the sloppy handwriting."
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Blackjack

The father of a teenage daughter was concerned with the amount of time she spent on the telephone; not so much for the time she wasted (he had given up on that long ago), but because nobody else could use the phone. So, as a happy solution, he had a telephone installed for her with her own private number and directory listing. Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone. Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?" "I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone."
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Blackjack

Great Truths About Life That Little Children Have Learned
* No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
* When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
* If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
* Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
* You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
* Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
* Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
* Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
* Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
* School lunches stick to the wall.
* You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
* Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. No matter how cute the underwear is.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Blackjack

Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail. Little Johnny says, "De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Blackjack

ANNOUNCEMENT: It is getting increasingly difficult to find good, clean jokes every day. I have about a week's worth saved up and will post all of those. After that postings will probably be only once in awhile. Sorry about that. Thanks to everybody else who posted some of their own.


A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. "We were married twenty-five years before he died," she said, dabbing away a tear. "Never had an argument in all those years." "Amazing," said the councelor. "How did you do it?" "I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward."
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Blackjack


A young man once asked God how long a million years was to him.
God replied, "A million years to me is just like a single second to you."
The young man asked God what a million dollars was to him.
God replied, "A million dollars to me is just like a single penny to you."
Then the young man got his courage up and asked, "God, could I have one of your pennies?"
God smiled and replied, "Certainly, just a second."
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Blackjack

If someone from the 1950s suddenly appeared, what would be the most difficult thing to explain about life today? One answer: “I possess a device in my pocket that is capable of accessing the entirety of information known to man. I use it to look ?at pictures of cats and get into arguments with strangers.”
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Blackjack


A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience and the man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew." "Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?" "Just once," the man replied. The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?" "I was looking for my father."
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · Anything Goes! · Next Topic »
Add Reply