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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,986 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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Blackjack

What happens when you breed a shark and a snowman?

You get a frost bite.
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M. Hawbaker
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:lol
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M. Hawbaker
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Clara and Jenny were talking when Clara asked Jenny how many times she's been married, and the reply was 4.

'Four times!' exclaims Clara, 'why so often?'

So Jenny replies, 'Well, I first got married when I was very young, and I married this wonderful man who was a banker. However, one day just a few weeks after we were married, his bank was robbed and he was shot and killed.'

'About a year later, I started seeing another man who performed in the circus. He was really a great guy, but he lived pretty dangerously because he performed his high-wire act without a net. Well, a few weeks after we got married, he was performing a show and suddenly a gust of wind came by and knocked him off his wire and he was killed.'

'A few years after that, I fell in love with a preacher and we got married soon after that. Unfortunately, one Sunday while he was walking to church, he was hit by a car and killed.'

'About a year ago, I met my present husband. And he's a wonderful man. I think we'll live a long happy life together.'

'And what does your present husband do for a living?' Clara enquires.

'He's a mortician,' responds Jenny.

'A mortician?' says Clara 'I don't understand something here. First you marry a banker, then a circus performer, then a preacher, and now a mortician? Can you explain such a diverse grouping of husbands?'

'Well, if you think about it it's not too hard to understand, says Jenny, 'It's:

One for the money...
Two for the show...
Three to get ready...
And four to go ........
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Blackjack

A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, Morris had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got."

Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."
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M. Hawbaker
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:lol
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cricket55
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:heh Awesome.
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cricket55
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What do you call the study of sodas???

Fizz...ics.
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cricket55
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What is a Zombie's favorite food???

Grave-y.
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cricket55
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What do you call a sad coffee???


Depresso.
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Blackjack

:lol

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Blackjack

he story of Adam and Eve was being carefully explained in the children's Sunday School class. Following the story, the children were asked to draw some picture that would illustrate the story.

Little Bobby was most interested and drew a picture of a car with three people in it. In the front seat, behind the wheel was a man and in the back seat, a man and a woman.

The teacher was at a loss to understand how this illustrated the lesson of Adam and Eve.

But little Bobby was prompt with his explanation. "This is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden!"
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M. Hawbaker
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So :groan yet so :lol
Edited by M. Hawbaker, March 10, 2014, 11:36 am.
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M. Hawbaker
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SENIORS TEXTING CODE

ATD – At The Doctors.
BFF – Best Friend Fell.
BTW – Bring the Wheelchair.
BYOT – Bring Your Own Teeth.
FWIW – Forgot Where I Was.
GGPBL – Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low.
GHA – Got Heartburn Again.
IMHO – Is My Hearing-Aid On.
LMDO – Laughing My Dentures Out.
OMMR – On My Massage Recliner.
OMSG – Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFLACGU – Rolling On Floor Laughing And Can’t Get Up.
TTYL – Talk To You Louder

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Blackjack

Now we're hitting close (almost) to home with some of those! :pound
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cricket55
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:lol
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