| Welcome to Prophecy Fellowship! This message board is dedicated to the glorification of Christ Jesus and the edification of Christians through study and discussion of prophecy and life from a scriptural perspective. |
| Super-duper Joke Thread | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,952 Views) | |
| Blackjack | February 21, 2014, 10:11 am Post #1 |
|
After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go! Emergency call. There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves. Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal! Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling? Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help! |
![]() |
|
| Replies: | |
|---|---|
| Blackjack | March 14, 2015, 10:29 am Post #571 |
|
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young Men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.. 1. A Bible... 2. A silver dollar..... 3. A bottle of whiskey.... 4. And a Playboy magazine..... I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.' The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold. 'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered. 'He's gonna run for Congress.' Edited by Blackjack, March 14, 2015, 10:30 am.
|
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | March 15, 2015, 11:58 am Post #572 |
|
A fellow walks into a pet store and asks to buy a canary. The proprietor replies, "I'm fresh out, but I DO have a parakeet." The customer insists on a canary, until the shop owner informs him that a parakeet can be made to sound like a canary if one files the beak just so. "But be careful not to file too much off, or the parakeet will drown when he goes to take a drink of water." The potential customer decides that this is complete baloney, but thanks the shop owner politely and leaves, sans parakeet. He goes into another pet shop and asks for a canary -- no luck. "But", says the shop owner, "I do have a parakeet, and if you file the beak just so, it can be made to sound just like a canary." He goes on to explain that filing off too much beak will jeopardize the bird's life, due to the potential for drowning when he takes a drink. The fellow finally decides that there is some merit to these claims and buys the parakeet. "Besides", he thinks to himself, "parakeets are much cheaper." His next stop is a hardware store, where he wanders into the file section, holding his recently purchased bird. The owner wanders by and asks of he needs some help. The new bird owner sheepishly explains how he intends to make his parakeet sing like a canary. The hardware store owner knowingly picks up a file and hands it to him. "Here, a Nichols #2 bastard file. But be careful not to file too much off, or the poor birdy might drown." The bird and file owner thanks the hardware store owner and leaves for home. A few weeks later, the bird owner wanders into the hardware store. The owner, recognizing him, asks how he made out with the parakeet. The fellow looks down and sadly reports "Bird's dead". The hardware store owner shares his sorrow and asks "Filed off too much beak?" To which the former bird owner replies "Nah, he was dead when I took him out of the vise." |
![]() |
|
| cricket55 | March 18, 2015, 5:37 pm Post #573 |
|
IRISH SUGAR TESTS: One day an older man entered a pharmacy, took a small bottle and a teaspoon out of his pocket and put them on the counter. The older man asked the pharmacist, "Could you tests this for me?" The pharmacist also a senior citizen agreed to do it. He put a small dap from the bottle onto the teaspoon and swilled it around his mouth before spiting it into a cup. "Now does that taste sweet to you?" asked the older man. "Hell no." replied the pharmacist "That's a relief!!" said the old man "My doctor told me to bring my urine to the pharmacy to get it tested for sugar." |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | March 19, 2015, 6:58 am Post #574 |
|
Eeeew! :freaked :lol |
![]() |
|
| cricket55 | March 26, 2015, 6:41 pm Post #575 |
|
What did the egg say to the Chicken??? I just got laid. |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | March 27, 2015, 7:25 am Post #576 |
|
A guy wants to become a magician so he goes out and buys a magician book. Later he gathers his family around the living room for his first trick. Reading his new book he reaches into a bag and pulls out a hammer and to the amazement of his family hits himself in the head with it. He's unconscious and spends a month in the hospital. Suddenly a nurse notices his eye lids flicker. She calls the family in and they gather around his bed. Just then he sits up in bed awake and says..."TA-DAA" |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | March 28, 2015, 8:47 am Post #577 |
|
This is the story of the poor blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She frantically calls a May Day: "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!" All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is ATC. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position." She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat." "OK," says the voice from the tower. "Repeat after me: Our Father. . . Who art in Heaven. . . ..." |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | March 29, 2015, 2:15 pm Post #578 |
|
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?" |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | March 29, 2015, 5:08 pm Post #579 |
|
Young Ernie and his family were invited to have Sunday lunch at his grandmother's house . Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Ernie received his plate he started eating straight away. 'Ernie, wait until we say grace,' demanded his father. 'I don't have to,' the boy replied. 'Of course you do, Ernie,' his mother insisted rather forcefully. 'We always say a prayer before eating at our house.' 'That's at our house,' Ernie explained, 'but this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook.' |
![]() |
|
| cricket55 | March 29, 2015, 5:53 pm Post #580 |
|
:lol |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | March 31, 2015, 2:00 pm Post #581 |
|
Larry's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him. Larry asked,"Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ? " |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | March 31, 2015, 7:31 pm Post #582 |
|
:pound |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | April 4, 2015, 6:56 am Post #583 |
|
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each others likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?" |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | April 4, 2015, 7:42 am Post #584 |
|
:rofl |
![]() |
|
| cricket55 | April 4, 2015, 5:04 pm Post #585 |
|
:lol |
![]() |
|
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Anything Goes! · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
6:37 PM Jul 10
|






6:37 PM Jul 10