| Welcome to Prophecy Fellowship! This message board is dedicated to the glorification of Christ Jesus and the edification of Christians through study and discussion of prophecy and life from a scriptural perspective. |
| Super-duper Joke Thread | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,959 Views) | |
| Blackjack | February 21, 2014, 10:11 am Post #1 |
|
After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go! Emergency call. There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves. Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal! Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling? Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help! |
![]() |
|
| Replies: | |
|---|---|
| M. Hawbaker | October 27, 2014, 7:23 pm Post #466 |
|
:groan |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | October 31, 2014, 5:52 pm Post #467 |
|
If you think the last one was a groaner just look at this! :pound A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure . I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?" .......... The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone." |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | November 1, 2014, 5:50 pm Post #468 |
|
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals had a habit of picking on strangers. So when he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head and fired a shot into the ceiling. ''WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?'' he yelled. No one answered. ''ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA' BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DONE IN TEXAS!'' Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, ''Say partner, before you go. . .what happened in Texas?'' The cowboy turned back and said, ''I had to walk home.'' |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | November 1, 2014, 7:48 pm Post #469 |
|
:heh |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | November 2, 2014, 11:30 am Post #470 |
|
A Marine Corps drill instructor was yelling at a new recruit. He was all up in this guy's face, their noses less than an inch apart. He screamed at the recruit, "You hate me don't you?!?" The recruit responded as calmly as possible, "Sir, no sir." The instructor yelled back, "You're going to urinate on my grave if you outlive me, aren't you?!?" The recruit retorted, "Sir, no way. When I get out of the service, I will not wait in line for anything! Sir." |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | November 3, 2014, 1:21 pm Post #471 |
|
Harley Davidson, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, "I make $400 a week. Why?" The CEO then hands the guy $1,600 in cash and screams, "Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!" Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?" From across the room came a voice: "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's." |
![]() |
|
| cricket55 | November 3, 2014, 7:29 pm Post #472 |
|
A woman is sitting in a bar when someone says, " Hey your really hot." She looks around but cannot see anyone looking at her. Then she hears, "Is that a new blouse, your looking good, girl." She suddenly realizes that it is the bowl of pretzels in front of her that is talking. She tries to ignore it and orders a Chardonnay. The pretzels say, "Hmm Chardonnay, your a classy babe." The woman says to the bartender, "Your pretzels keep saying nice things to me." The bartender replies, "They do that. They are complimentary." |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | November 4, 2014, 9:07 am Post #473 |
|
"Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? " "No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'" |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | November 4, 2014, 11:11 am Post #474 |
|
Posted Image |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | November 6, 2014, 2:27 pm Post #475 |
|
What's the difference between "naked" and "nekkid?" According to the late Lewis Grizzard, "Naked" means you ain't got no clothes on while "nekkid" means you're naked and something's going on. Hard to believe that Lewis Grizzard has been gone for over 20 years. God rest his soul. |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | November 7, 2014, 11:21 am Post #476 |
|
Another one from Lewis Grizzard. Baptists won't make love standing up. Somebody might think they're dancing. |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | November 9, 2014, 9:33 am Post #477 |
|
A guy was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as the guy burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can`t stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of my life," he says. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me." "So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! ......... But enough about me, how's your day going?" |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | November 11, 2014, 5:43 pm Post #478 |
|
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?" The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said"Well yeah, if that's what they are, I never heard of circle flies." So the farmer says "Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse." The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, "Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horses butt?" The farmer says, "Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses butt." The trooper says, "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer says, "Hard to fool them flies though." |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | November 12, 2014, 12:22 pm Post #479 |
|
The seven-year-old told her mother that a little boy in her class asked her to play doctor. "Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?" "Nothing," said the little girl, "he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company." |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | November 12, 2014, 8:30 pm Post #480 |
|
:rofl |
![]() |
|
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Anything Goes! · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
6:37 PM Jul 10
|






6:37 PM Jul 10