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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,988 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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Replies:
Blackjack

Yep, it is a secret! :lol
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barb43
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Wish Martha Stewart was My Sister!
:lol That's what I liked about it.
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cricket55
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What do ghost wear on their feet??

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTS.
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M. Hawbaker
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:lol
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M. Hawbaker
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Julius Caesar sent his friend Brutus to purchase a dozen doughnuts.

But when Brutus returned, there were only ten doughnuts in the box.

Caesar looked Brutus in the eye and said in an accusing voice, "Ate two Brute?"

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Blackjack

I suppose that now would be as good a time as any to say that NONE of these jokes are mine. All have been gleaned from the net. Now, back to the funny.


An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"
She replied: a can of peaches.
The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied 6.
The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail."
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the
judge if he could say something.
He said, " What is it? "
The husband said "She also stole a can of peas."
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barb43
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Wish Martha Stewart was My Sister!
M. Hawbaker
March 2, 2014, 7:21 am
Caesar looked Brutus in the eye and said in an accusing voice, "Ate two Brute?"
:pound Gonna get some mileage out of this one at the office this week. :wink

____________________

Q. Why do ants live in hills?

A. The valleys were taken.


(opening panel of today's BC comic strip)
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barb43
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Wish Martha Stewart was My Sister!
Elderly gentleman friend of ours just sent this one by email:


I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as "Luvs", "Huggies," and "Pampers', while undergarments for old people are called"Depends".

Well here is the low down on the whole thing.

When babies poop in their pants, people are still gonna Luv'em, Hug'em and Pamper' em. When old people poop in their pants, it "Depends" on who's in the will!

Glad I got that straightened out so you can rest your mind.

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M. Hawbaker
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:faint
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Blackjack

barb43
March 2, 2014, 3:55 pm
"Depends" on who's in the will!



:pound
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Blackjack

A salesman rang the bell at a home, and the door was opened by a nine-year-old boy puffing on a long black cigar.
Hiding his amazement, the salesman asked the young man, "Is your mother home?"
The boy took the cigar out of his mouth, flicked ashes on the carpet, and asked, "What do you think?"
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cricket55
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Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool??




Because they kept dropping their trunks. :lol
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Blackjack

A neutron walks into a bar and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender says, "for you? no charge."
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M. Hawbaker
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If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot high window?
























Because the window is closed.
Edited by M. Hawbaker, March 4, 2014, 10:05 am.
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LadySharon
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Cat Lady
M. Hawbaker
March 4, 2014, 9:59 am
If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a three foot high window?
























Because the window is closed.
:lol ... not to say some won't try.....
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