| Welcome to Prophecy Fellowship! This message board is dedicated to the glorification of Christ Jesus and the edification of Christians through study and discussion of prophecy and life from a scriptural perspective. |
| Super-duper Joke Thread | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,962 Views) | |
| Blackjack | February 21, 2014, 10:11 am Post #1 |
|
After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go! Emergency call. There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves. Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal! Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling? Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help! |
![]() |
|
| Replies: | |
|---|---|
| cricket55 | August 29, 2014, 6:17 pm Post #421 |
|
:lol |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | August 31, 2014, 12:13 pm Post #422 |
|
The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in themail. The economy is so bad I ordered a burger at McDonalds and the kid behindthe counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?" The economy is so bad that CEO's are now playing miniature golf. The economy is so bad if the bank returns your check marked "InsufficientFunds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them. The economy is so bad Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higherthan GM. The economy is so bad McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer. The economy is so bad parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies andlearned their children's names. The economy is so bad a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking intoMexico . The economy is so bad Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore. The economy is so bad Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | September 1, 2014, 4:21 pm Post #423 |
|
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping" |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | September 1, 2014, 4:22 pm Post #424 |
|
A funeral service is being held in a chuch for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carrying the casket accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the women is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the end the pallbearers are again carrying the casket out. As they are walking, the husband calls out, "Watch out for the wall!" |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | September 1, 2014, 4:40 pm Post #425 |
|
Posted Image |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | September 2, 2014, 9:19 pm Post #426 |
|
It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy." |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | September 3, 2014, 5:34 am Post #427 |
|
:rofl |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | September 6, 2014, 7:40 am Post #428 |
|
Time for a groaner. A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP...BUMP... BUMP... behind him. Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him ...BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him ...faster... faster... BUMP...BUMP...BUMP. He runs up to his door,fumbles with his keys, opens the door,rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping ...clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP...clappity-BUMP...on the heals of the terrified man. Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps. With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him. The man screams and reaches for something, anything ... but all he can find is a box of cough drops! Desperate, he throws the cough drops at the coffin... .. and of course....... the coffin stopped! |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | September 6, 2014, 8:51 am Post #429 |
|
:groan |
![]() |
|
| cricket55 | September 6, 2014, 6:55 pm Post #430 |
|
:groan :rofl |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | September 8, 2014, 7:06 am Post #431 |
|
A very elderly but bright-eyed gentleman, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of after shave, walks into an upscale ****tail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady tricked out in a modest but very becoming ****tail dress. The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?" |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | September 8, 2014, 7:49 pm Post #432 |
|
There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks." |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | September 9, 2014, 1:15 pm Post #433 |
|
After living way back in the hills all his life, Boog decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picked up a mirror for the very first time and looked into it. Not knowing what the mirror was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy." He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Earlene, didn't like his father, so he hung the mirror in the barn. Every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. Earlene began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly sow he's runnin' around with." |
![]() |
|
| M. Hawbaker | September 16, 2014, 9:48 am Post #434 |
|
The famous Greek mathematician Pythagoras was watching a parrot playing with some twigs, one day. Although birds often play with twigs and leaves and branches, this parrot, to the mathematician's amazement, actually arranged the pieces of wood into a distinct geometric pattern. Then, unfortunately, the poor bird keeled over, dead. Pythagoras was so moved that he named the shape, "Dead parrot" although -- of course -- he said it in Greek. Which is why we call that shape a polygon. |
![]() |
|
| Blackjack | September 16, 2014, 5:08 pm Post #435 |
|
Running behind schedule, sorry. One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?'' The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.'' ''What about the green one?'' the man asks. The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.'' ''What about the red one?'' the man asks. The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.'' The man says, ''What does HE do?'' The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.'' |
![]() |
|
| Go to Next Page | |
| « Previous Topic · Anything Goes! · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
6:37 PM Jul 10
|






6:37 PM Jul 10