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| Super-duper Joke Thread | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,864 Views) | |
| Blackjack | February 21, 2014, 10:11 am Post #1 |
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After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go! Emergency call. There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves. Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal! Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling? Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help! |
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| Blackjack | June 26, 2018, 6:16 am Post #1876 |
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One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on an exotic parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid. The price was high but the fine bird was finally his! As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can't talk!" "Don't worry," said the Auctioneer, "He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?" |
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| Blackjack | June 27, 2018, 6:00 am Post #1877 |
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It’s been 18 years and we still have no idea who let the dogs out. |
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| Blackjack | June 28, 2018, 8:15 am Post #1878 |
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Scientist is giving an interview: "We found a way to kill 75% of cancer cells in mice". Newspaper headlines next morning: "Scientists find a cure for cancer". Scientist read that and calls the interviewer again next day and is like "no no, I didn't mean that we can cure cancer now. It just means that our developments can help cure it in the future". Newspaper headlines next day: "Scientists discover time travel" Enraged scientist calls the journalist again and screams: "SCREW YOU!" Newspaper headlines: "Scientist rapes a journalist!" |
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| Blackjack | June 29, 2018, 4:35 am Post #1879 |
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What's the difference between a tea bag and the German soccer team? A tea bag stays in the cup for longer... |
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| Blackjack | June 30, 2018, 5:16 am Post #1880 |
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I asked my son, who plays guitar, what was so funny about this. He did. It's outrageously funny if you play. A dad gets his son a bass and lessons for his birthday. When the son comes home from his first lesson dad asks, " what did you learn at your first bass lesson son?" "Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4...5 notes on the E string!" "That's great son!" The next week rolls around. "What did you learn at your second bass lesson son?" "Well dad, I learned the first 1..2..3..4..5 notes on the A string!" "That's great son!" The next week rolls around. "What did you learn at your third bass lesson son?" "I blew it off I had a gig." Spoiler: click to toggle
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| Blackjack | July 1, 2018, 8:18 am Post #1881 |
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Never drink and drive. You won’t have enough hands free to answer your phone if someone calls you. |
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| Blackjack | July 2, 2018, 9:03 am Post #1882 |
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Bush, Trump, and Hillary are all on a plane... Bush says, "I could throw this 100$ bill out the window and make someone happy". Trump, with a smug look on his face replies and says, "I could throw ten 10$ bills out the window and make 10 people happy". Hillary smirks and says "oh yeah, I could throw one hundred 1$ bills out the window and make 100 people happy". Then the pilot says to the co-pilot, "I could throw all 3 of these idiots out the window and make millions of people happy". |
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| Blackjack | July 4, 2018, 7:27 am Post #1883 |
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If Korean pop is kpop, what sort of music does Drake make? Crap. |
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| Blackjack | July 6, 2018, 8:02 am Post #1884 |
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Somebody once told me that I could break a mirror just by looking at it. They insisted it was hilarious. I didn’t find it funny. The mirror cracked up though. |
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| Blackjack | July 7, 2018, 5:41 am Post #1885 |
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One from Russia. Stalin is giving a speech when he hears someone sneeze. He stops mid-sentence and asks the first row, "who sneezed?" Nobody answers. Stalin executes the first row. Now, everyone is getting nervous. Stalin addresses the second row. "Who sneezed?" he asks, becoming visibly upset. Still, nobody answers. Everyone is much too scared to reply. Stalin executes the second row. "Who sneezed!?" Stalin booms at the third row. He is angry now. Finally, after many moments of silence, a young and timid Russian soldier raises his hand. Stalin turns to the soldier and says, "Bless you." |
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| Blackjack | July 8, 2018, 10:53 am Post #1886 |
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Your groaner of the week What do you get when you mix a melon and a broccoli? The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli. |
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| Blackjack | Yesterday, 5:27 AM Post #1887 |
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What is it called when a Cowboy dies and then is resurrected into a new life? Reintarnation. |
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| Blackjack | Today, 12:34 PM Post #1888 |
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A mugger jumps out in front of a university student and shouts "your money or your life!" The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry pal, I'm a Computer Science major. I don't have either". |
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6:34 PM Jul 10