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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,867 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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Blackjack

Years ago, I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to medical school.

One of the many questions on human anatomy asked was to rearrange the letters “PNEIS" into the name of "an important human body part which is most useful when erect."

Those who answered "spine" are now doctors

The rest of us are posting jokes on social media.
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cricket55
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Oye.... :lol
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Blackjack


Sleep with an open window tonight!

1400 mosquitoes like that. 420 mosquitoes commented on it. 210 mosquitoes shared this.

One mosquito invited for the event. 2800 mosquitoes will be attending the event.
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Blackjack

My friend, Karen, and I visited a place you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri. Karen opened up that she was actually in a fourth state: crippling depression. I said, "I'm so sorry but you can't count Missouri twice."
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Blackjack

Make love, not war, but if you love both get married.
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Blackjack

I bought a second hand time machine next Tuesday. They don’t make them like they’re going to anymore.
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Blackjack

A woman approaches me as I'm playing my guitar. "Excuse me, is that a Squier Stratocaster?"
I may have overreacted when I responded: "DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY FENDER?!"
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Blackjack

I thought air was free.

That was until I bought a bag of Lays
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Blackjack

Groaner of the week.

Did you hear about the bald guy who was upgraded to business class when the other passengers made fun of him? He has a reseating airline.
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cricket55
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:groan
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cricket55
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The first computer can be traced to Adam/Eve
It was an apple and very little memory.
It was one byte........then everything crashed.
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Blackjack

Nine out of ten doctors recommend that children drink water instead of soda...

That one doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
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Blackjack

A patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in a car accident, the 2nd is a 35 year old businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?" "I'll take the lawyer's heart," said the patient. After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. "It was easy," said the patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."
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Blackjack

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.

When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.
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Blackjack

The New York Mets visited an orphanage yesterday.

"It's heart breaking to see their little faces with no hope", said Andrew, aged 6.
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