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| Super-duper Joke Thread | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,871 Views) | |
| Blackjack | February 21, 2014, 10:11 am Post #1 |
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After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go! Emergency call. There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves. Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal! Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling? Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help! |
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| Blackjack | April 7, 2018, 11:24 am Post #1786 |
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts. |
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| Blackjack | April 9, 2018, 6:04 am Post #1787 |
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I usually don't find blonde jokes funny but this one is pretty good. A blonde woman goes up for helicopter lessons. She arrives at the air field raring to go. She does her ground school and heads up in the helicopter with the trainer. She does well so the trainer decides to let her take it up on her own. The instructor heads back to the tower and instructs her to take off and head to an area just outside of the airfield. She takes off flawlessly and is heading in the direction of the clearing. All of a sudden, the helicopter drops out of the sky and crashes to the ground. The trainer, horrified, rushes to the scene of the accident. He arrives and sees the blonde pilot walking away from the crash seemingly unscathed. Flabbergasted, he asks her "Are you alright? What happened?" She responded, "It gets really cold up there and that giant fan really doesn't help so I decide to turn it off." |
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| Blackjack | April 10, 2018, 5:30 pm Post #1788 |
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At the hospital on the battlefield a severely wounded General was carried in. The doctor immediately started operate on the general in attempt to save his life. During the surgery, the nurse had an uncanny face and acted odd. All of a sudden, the nurse took out a knife and stabbed the doctor. While crying, the nurse said, "I'm sorry doctor! You've always treated me well. But I'm actually a spy and I cannot let you save this man!" While holding on to his wound, the doctor replied, "Well, why didn't you just stab the General instead?!" |
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| Blackjack | April 11, 2018, 12:44 pm Post #1789 |
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Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he has to buy graphite rods, reels, spinner baits, jigs, crank baits, jerk baits, flies, waders and a boat and a truck. |
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| Blackjack | April 12, 2018, 7:35 am Post #1790 |
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A horse walks into a bar; the bartender asks, "Hello, do you want a beer?" The horse responds, "I think not," and promptly disappears. Now, admittedly, this joke only makes sense if you are familiar with the French Enlightenment philosopher, Rene Descartes, who famously said, "I think, therefore I am." The horse thought not, and therefore wasn't... But if I had explained that first, I would have been putting Descartes before da horse! |
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| Blackjack | April 13, 2018, 6:40 am Post #1791 |
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A Sergeant was addressing a squad of 25 and said: "I have a nice easy job for the laziest man here. Put up your hand if you are the laziest." 24 men raised their hands, and the sergeant asked the other man "why didn't you raise your hand?" The man replied: "Too much trouble raising the hand, Sarge." |
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| Blackjack | April 14, 2018, 9:29 am Post #1792 |
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If two vegans fight is it still considered a beef? |
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| Blackjack | April 15, 2018, 6:56 am Post #1793 |
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On interstate I-95 running from Boston to New Hampshire they had a problem with crows being hit by vehicles. They were being killed by the hundreds. They hired a professor from MIT to figure out why so many crows were being hit. He discovered that when crows land to feed, they leave one crow in the tree to watch for danger. They found out that the Boston crows could say “cah, cah” but they couldn’t say “truck, truck”. |
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| Blackjack | April 16, 2018, 9:32 am Post #1794 |
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Old Soviet joke. Reagan and Gorbachev run a marathon. Reagan won. Next day US newspapers: “Reagan won. Gorbachev lost”. Soviet newspapers: “Gorbachev finished second. Reagan finished next to last”. |
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| Blackjack | April 17, 2018, 9:55 am Post #1795 |
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If a man opens the car door for his wife you can be sure of one thing. Either the car is new or the wife is. (Not true for us. After 33 years I still always open the door for Maria.) Edited by Blackjack, April 17, 2018, 9:56 am.
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| Blackjack | April 18, 2018, 7:22 am Post #1796 |
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Where do little jokes come from? Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock. |
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| Blackjack | April 20, 2018, 5:19 pm Post #1797 |
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A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the young doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming and yelling. An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. After listening to her story, he calmed her down and asked her to wait in another room. Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor’s room. “What on Earth is wrong with you?” he demanded. “That woman is 68 years old, she has two adult children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!” The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said, “Does she still have the hiccups?” |
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| warrior-child | April 20, 2018, 6:56 pm Post #1798 |
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:hysterical |
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| cricket55 | April 20, 2018, 7:48 pm Post #1799 |
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:rofl That is a good one. |
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| Blackjack | April 21, 2018, 5:03 am Post #1800 |
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I asked my veteran friend what the lowest rank is in the army but I couldn't get a straight answer. He just kept telling me it's private. |
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6:36 PM Jul 10