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| Super-duper Joke Thread | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,872 Views) | |
| Blackjack | February 21, 2014, 10:11 am Post #1 |
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After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go! Emergency call. There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves. Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal! Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling? Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help! |
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| Blackjack | March 22, 2018, 7:30 am Post #1771 |
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If the Earth is flat then my belly is too! |
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| cricket55 | March 22, 2018, 4:14 pm Post #1772 |
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:hysterical |
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| Blackjack | March 23, 2018, 5:16 pm Post #1773 |
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A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic, "in biology class." |
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| Blackjack | March 24, 2018, 7:12 am Post #1774 |
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What is the difference between Clinton and Putin? Putin can win a rigged election. |
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| Blackjack | March 25, 2018, 7:43 am Post #1775 |
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One for the kids. What is a giraffe's favorite fruit? Necktarines |
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| Blackjack | March 26, 2018, 11:01 am Post #1776 |
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Yesterday I asked my friend, Square, how his angles are. He said that they’re all right. |
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| Blackjack | March 27, 2018, 10:09 am Post #1777 |
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May be a repost. I forget. There were three restaurants on the same block. One day one of them put up a sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the City." The next day, the largest restaurant on the block put up a larger sign which said "The Best Restaurant in the World." On the third day, the smallest restaurant put up a small sign which said "The Best Restaurant on this Block." |
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| Blackjack | March 28, 2018, 6:59 am Post #1778 |
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At a meeting of the college faculty, an angel suddenly appears and tells the head of the Physics department,“I will grant you whichever of three blessings you choose: Wisdom, Beauty—or ten million dollars.” Immediately, the professor chooses Wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, and the professor appears transformed, but he just sits there, staring down at the table. One of his colleagues whispers,“Say something.” The professor says,“I should have taken the money.” |
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| Blackjack | March 29, 2018, 8:16 am Post #1779 |
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A CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who’d been praying at the Western Wall twice a day, every day, for a long time so she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview. "Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?" “Morris Feinberg," he replied. "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" "For about 60 years." “60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?" “I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews, and the Muslims. I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop." I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man." I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.” And finally, "I pray that everyone will be happy". "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" she asked. "Like I'm talking to a wall!" |
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| Blackjack | March 30, 2018, 11:10 am Post #1780 |
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I asked my wife if she'd mind if I grew a beard. She thought about it for a long moment, turned to me and said "Not at all, but where will you live"? |
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| Blackjack | April 1, 2018, 3:22 pm Post #1781 |
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Can you name a useless, non functioning member of society. My parents did. |
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| Blackjack | April 2, 2018, 7:07 am Post #1782 |
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What do you call a Russian that enjoys programming? Computin |
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| Blackjack | April 3, 2018, 6:04 am Post #1783 |
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One from India A nice Indian woman gets up mid-flight to the US and shouts "Is there a doctor here?" A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her: "I am. What is the problem?" She replies: "tell me your caste first.." |
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| Blackjack | April 4, 2018, 6:05 am Post #1784 |
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So a guy and his girlfriend, sophomores in college, were picking classes. They were struggling with their relationship, and picking classes was just stressful for them. They were able to get the exact same schedule except for one class. That's when the guy got up, grabbed his things and say "Sorry, we just don't have chemistry together" and left. |
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| Blackjack | April 5, 2018, 8:13 am Post #1785 |
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Why can't you find any lions after August? Because the pride goeth before the fall. |
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6:36 PM Jul 10