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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (63,697 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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cricket55
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Blackjack
December 16, 2017, 7:31 am
What do you call a camel with a flat back?

Humphrey
:groan
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Blackjack

Creating a new password

Enter password

'Snowflake'

Re-enter password

'Snowflake'

Your passwords are not alike
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Blackjack

A guy walks into a bar, and is greeted by a robot.

The robot says, “What’s your drink”?
The man replies, “Whisky”.
The robot then says, “What’s your IQ”?
The man says 150.
The robot then pours his whisky and proceeds to talk to the man about the space time continuum, time travel, and the multiverse. The man finishes his drink, and leaves the bar.

As he was walking out, he thought, “I’m gonna try that again, see if I get a different response.”
So he walks back in and the robot asks him again, “What’s your drink?”.
The man again says “whisky”.
The robot asks him for his IQ, and this time the man says 110. The robot pours his drink and begins to talk about nascar and normal people talk. He finishes his whisky and exits the bar.

He gets the idea to try it again. He walks back in, and again the robot asks him “What’s your drink?”.
The man says “Whisky”.
The robot asks “What’s your IQ?”. The man replies “50”.
The robot pours his drink and says “You still upset Hillary lost?”


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Blackjack

Americans are now invading Israel!

They found out that their oil lasts 8 days instead of 1
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Blackjack

A teacher and his student were walking to school together.

On the way there was a bridge crossing a river over which everyone had to pass.

That day river was raging torrent. As they tried to cross over the water rose to the top of the bridge.

The student knew how to swim so he jumped into the river. The teacher didn't know swimming at all but he didn't want to look bad in front of student, and heck, there was no other choice. So he jumped too and started drowning.

The student saw this and saved him. The teacher thanked him and asked him if he could return the favor in any way.

The student pleaded, "Please don't tell anybody back in school that I saved you, my classmates will kill me."
Edited by Blackjack, December 20, 2017, 1:43 pm.
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Blackjack

I just sold my homing pigeon on eBay...

...again!
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Blackjack

What do you call a priest who became a lawyer?

A father in law.
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Blackjack

A woman walks up to the stand of which the man is selling milk. She observes that he was only about 12 or so. He had a lemonade stand with bottle upon bottle of milk. She reads his advertising sign

"One bottle is $3, 3 bottles is $10 "

Her, being a 17 yr old rebel, decided to buy one bottle. She handed the boy $3 and moved on. About 10 minutes later she came back. She bought another bottle. She came back one last time 5 minutes later. She bought one more bottle and ten told the boy,

"You are so stupid. I just bought 3 bottles of milk for $9 instead of $10. Get your math down right, idiot. As she walked off, laughing. Then the boy said to her,

"Well at least I didn't get tricked into buying 3 bottles of milk."
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cricket55
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:lol
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cricket55
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None of the churches in Washington DC will have a nativity this Christmas.
They could not find any wise men. There were too many jack asses and they could not find a virgin.
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M. Hawbaker
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If your job is taking care of chickens, does that make you a chicken tender?
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cricket55
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:lol
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Blackjack

Husband says'' Honey, it's me. I don't want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital. They've checked me over and dome some tests and x-rays. The blow to my head was severe. Fortunately, it didn't cause any serious internal injury. However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they might have to amputate my right foot.''

Wife : ''Who's Paula?''
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Blackjack

I was hacked by Russia!!!!

Edit: I no hacked by Russia. Russia do no such thing. Have nice day.
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Blackjack

As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself...


Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.
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