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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,885 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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Blackjack

I tried to change my password to Beefstew1...

but they said it wasn't stroganoff.
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cricket55
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Blackjack
September 20, 2017, 9:53 am
I tried to change my password to Beefstew1...

but they said it wasn't stroganoff.
:lol
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Blackjack

I farted on the bus and 4 people turned around

I felt like I was on The Voice
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Blackjack

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"


"Your parents, when you move out!"
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Blackjack

I failed my final exam on Greek mythology.

It's always been my Achilles elbow.
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Blackjack

They found the biggest hypochondriac yet…

… he overdosed on placebos.
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Blackjack

Once a lawyer was traveling in a train alone.

After sometime, a Beautiful lady came and sat in the opposite berth!

Lawyer was pleasantly Happy!

The lady kept smiling at him! This made the lawyer happier!

Then she went and sat next to him!

The lawyer was bubbling with Joy!

She then leaned towards him and whispered in his ear "Hand over all your valuables, cash, cards, mobile phone to me else I will shout and tell everybody that you are harassing and misbehaving with me"

The lawyer stared blankly at her!

He took out a paper and a pen from his bag and wrote "I can not hear or speak. You write on this paper whatever you want to say"

The lady wrote everything what she said earlier and gave it to him!

Lawyer took her note, kept it in his pocket!

He got up and told her in clear tones..."Now shout & scream!!"
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Blackjack

The nurse told the parents of a newly born child, "You have a cute baby."

The smiling husband said, "I bet you say that to all new parents."

"No," she replied, "just to those whose babies really are good-looking."

The husband again asked "So what do you say to the others?"

The nurse replied, "The baby looks just like you."
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Blackjack

Well, he's not wrong!!! :lol


Johnny's teacher asked him "if you had 15 jellybeans and Susie asked you for five , how many would you have left ?"

Johnny replied, "15"
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Blackjack

A student writes her parent's,

"Deare$t Mom and Dad,

College i$ going well. I am making many friend$ and learning lot$. But $omething i$ mi$$ing, I ju$t wi$h I knew what it wa$. Anyway$, be$t wi$hes and I'll talk to you again $oon.

Her parents respond,

Dearest Daughter,

NOthing makes us happier than kNOwing you're doing well. We NOtice all the hard work and commitment you have put into your studies and it is definitely NOteworthy. We just wanted to ackNOwledge your accomplishments. Thank you for your letter and we love you.
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Blackjack

How do you tickle a rich girl?

Say “Gucci Gucci Gucci!”
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Blackjack

10 engineering professors board a plane...

Once they are inside and the plane is a about to take off, the air hostess comes out and tells everyone that the plane has been made by the students of those teachers. Immediately 9 of the professors get up and run away from the plane while one of them stays sit, calmly reading a book.

One of the students who was on the plane to see how their plane worked, approached the professor, thanking him for trusting them.

To which he replies "if my students really made this plane I'm 100% confident this won't even take off"
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Blackjack

One for the kids.


When do you stop at Green and go at Red?

When eating a watermelon.
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Blackjack

Another one for the kids.


Why can’t bicycles stand on their own?

Because they’re two tired.
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Blackjack

What is E.T short for?

To fit in his spaceship.
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