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| Super-duper Joke Thread | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,889 Views) | |
| Blackjack | February 21, 2014, 10:11 am Post #1 |
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After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go! Emergency call. There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves. Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal! Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling? Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help! |
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| Blackjack | July 28, 2017, 6:23 am Post #1516 |
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A woman asks a man - "do you drink beer?"... Man: Yeah. Woman: How many beers a day? Man: Usually about 3. Woman: How much do you pay per beer? Man: $5.00, including the tip. Woman: And how long have you been drinking? Man: About 20 years, I suppose. Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct? Man: Correct. Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct? Man: Correct. Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? Man: Do you drink beer? Woman: No. Man: What color is your Ferrari? |
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| Blackjack | July 29, 2017, 6:06 am Post #1517 |
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Older lady in the bus snaps at a guy with a dog... "Please get that thing away from me. I can feel fleas on my legs." Dog owner to dog: "Rex move away, the lady has fleas." |
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| warrior-child | July 29, 2017, 9:33 am Post #1518 |
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:lol |
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| Blackjack | July 30, 2017, 8:33 am Post #1519 |
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Injured myself during an Ironman marathon the other day. Got up too fast after watching the third film. |
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| Blackjack | July 31, 2017, 6:21 am Post #1520 |
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English is Weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though. |
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| Blackjack | July 31, 2017, 5:47 pm Post #1521 |
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For those of you wondering what it’s like to be married I just found out this morning I’m on day 3 of an argument I didn’t know I was having. |
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| Blackjack | August 1, 2017, 12:37 pm Post #1522 |
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Four CEOs of beer companies are having a meeting and they decide to get a drink. The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud light. The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Lite. The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light. The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke. The three CEOS then ask him, why aren't you ordering a Guinness? He replies: "If you guys aren't drinking beer then neither will I." |
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| Blackjack | August 2, 2017, 7:16 am Post #1523 |
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I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow. When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?! Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy... |
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| Blackjack | August 3, 2017, 6:40 am Post #1524 |
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Why were the 'Dark Ages' so dark? Because there were so many Knights. |
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| Blackjack | August 4, 2017, 10:51 am Post #1525 |
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I was in a crash with a smart car today. The smart car was totaled. My bicycle was fine, though. |
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| Blackjack | August 5, 2017, 6:42 am Post #1526 |
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Everyone loved Priest John. He was a happy jolly fellow always willing to help or lend a hand. One time John was walking down the street humming a tune when he saw a little boy trying to reach the doorbell of a nearby house. “Hey there sonny” said John “let me help you out”, and with that John reached out and pressed the bell. “Anything else I can do for you,” asked John with a smile. “Yes” said the boy. “Run! We’ve only got a few seconds before they come!” |
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| Blackjack | August 6, 2017, 6:14 am Post #1527 |
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A Briton flies into Australia and is asked by the immigration officer, “Do you have any felony convictions?” The Briton replies, “Sorry. I didn’t realize that was still a requirement.” |
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| Blackjack | August 7, 2017, 9:28 am Post #1528 |
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I felt a great disturbance in the force today: Millions of parents quietly rejoiced while their children cried out in terror and were quickly silenced by their new homeroom teachers. |
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| Blackjack | August 8, 2017, 8:46 am Post #1529 |
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I found a lion in my wardrobe and asked him what he was doing there. He said, "Narnia business!" |
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| Blackjack | August 9, 2017, 7:18 am Post #1530 |
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What do you call a caveman who doesn't really know where he's going? A meanderthal. |
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6:36 PM Jul 10