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Super-duper Joke Thread
Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,891 Views)
Blackjack

After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go!

Emergency call.

There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this:
Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?
Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves.
Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal!
Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling?
Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help!


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Blackjack

A man walked into the office in a school. “Excuse me,” he said to the secretary “I would like to come to school, I want to learn to read and write.” “OK,” the secretary responded in a bored voice, “just fill out this form.”
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Blackjack

My friend says he has the body of a Greek God

I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't Greek
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Blackjack

My boss texted me "Send me a funny joke"

I texted him back "Sorry, boss, I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later."

He replied back "That was fantastic, send me another!"
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cricket55
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Where did George Washington keep his armies???
Up his sleevies.
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Blackjack

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow?

The bull has horns, and the cow is the udder one.
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Blackjack

A teenage girl had just been given family-car privileges, when she returned home very late from a party.

The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning.

At 11:30am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "What time did you get in last night?"

"Not too late, Dad," she replied nervously.

Dead-pan, her father said, "Then I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front wheel of the car."
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Blackjack

The average 50-year-old spends 5 hours a day on their cell phone.

The remaining 19 hours are spent trying to get the thing to work.
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Blackjack

When do you start on red and stop on green?

When you're eating a watermelon!
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Blackjack

I'm such a bad cook, I use the smoke alarm as a timer. (Not really! :lol )
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Blackjack

Teacher: Why are you late to class?

Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.

Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?

Student: No. I was standing on it.
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Blackjack

I drive a pickup/delivery van for a dry cleaner. One of our customers is the local convent. Every Friday I drive over there and ask the nuns if they have any dirty habits.
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Blackjack

Groaner of the week.

What do you call a belt made of watches?

A waist of time.
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cricket55
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:groan
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Blackjack

A majority of English Speakers do not know the opposite of these words...

Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down.
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You have been Rick rolled. :pound
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M. Hawbaker
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:fish
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