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| Super-duper Joke Thread | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: February 21, 2014, 10:11 am (62,891 Views) | |
| Blackjack | February 21, 2014, 10:11 am Post #1 |
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After giving it some thought I have decided to create the Super-duper Joke Thread where all of the jokes can be posted rather than opening a new thread every day. This way you all can add jokes of your own too. Let's go! Emergency call. There was a hysterical call at the fire department, and it went like this: Caller: Help me, please help me; there is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me; can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away? Fire Department:Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax wait until he leaves. Caller:You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me; it is going to be fatal! Fire Department: Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous, by the way who is calling? Caller: I’m Josephine’s parrot you jerk! Help me please, please help! |
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| Blackjack | July 6, 2017, 10:28 am Post #1486 |
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A man walked into the office in a school. “Excuse me,” he said to the secretary “I would like to come to school, I want to learn to read and write.” “OK,” the secretary responded in a bored voice, “just fill out this form.” |
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| Blackjack | July 7, 2017, 7:41 am Post #1487 |
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My friend says he has the body of a Greek God I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't Greek |
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| Blackjack | July 8, 2017, 10:22 am Post #1488 |
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My boss texted me "Send me a funny joke" I texted him back "Sorry, boss, I'm working at the moment, I'll send you one later." He replied back "That was fantastic, send me another!" |
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| cricket55 | July 8, 2017, 3:47 pm Post #1489 |
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Where did George Washington keep his armies??? Up his sleevies. |
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| Blackjack | July 9, 2017, 5:43 am Post #1490 |
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How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? The bull has horns, and the cow is the udder one. |
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| Blackjack | July 10, 2017, 7:23 am Post #1491 |
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A teenage girl had just been given family-car privileges, when she returned home very late from a party. The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning. At 11:30am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "What time did you get in last night?" "Not too late, Dad," she replied nervously. Dead-pan, her father said, "Then I'll have to talk with the paperboy about putting my paper under the front wheel of the car." |
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| Blackjack | July 10, 2017, 6:47 pm Post #1492 |
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The average 50-year-old spends 5 hours a day on their cell phone. The remaining 19 hours are spent trying to get the thing to work. |
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| Blackjack | July 11, 2017, 6:58 am Post #1493 |
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When do you start on red and stop on green? When you're eating a watermelon! |
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| Blackjack | July 12, 2017, 7:13 am Post #1494 |
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I'm such a bad cook, I use the smoke alarm as a timer. (Not really! :lol ) |
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| Blackjack | July 13, 2017, 6:57 am Post #1495 |
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Teacher: Why are you late to class? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it. |
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| Blackjack | July 14, 2017, 5:21 am Post #1496 |
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I drive a pickup/delivery van for a dry cleaner. One of our customers is the local convent. Every Friday I drive over there and ask the nuns if they have any dirty habits. |
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| Blackjack | July 15, 2017, 6:49 am Post #1497 |
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Groaner of the week. What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time. |
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| cricket55 | July 15, 2017, 3:17 pm Post #1498 |
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:groan |
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| Blackjack | July 16, 2017, 11:36 am Post #1499 |
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A majority of English Speakers do not know the opposite of these words... Always, Coming, From, Take, Me, Down. . . . . . . . . . . You have been Rick rolled. :pound |
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| M. Hawbaker | July 16, 2017, 1:57 pm Post #1500 |
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:fish |
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6:36 PM Jul 10